It was that moment in life.
Lying in the bed wondering what will happen in the next phase of my life. . .
Fully messed up, trying to figure out how to get up from here. .
The thought of having pain was just looming and fading away from me.
Through out the journey, one thought was pestering me a lot, don’t even know how to sort it out. .
More than a solution, I was trying to pen it out. Telling someone was not enough. .
The thought that was so perilously disturbing me all these time. .
And urging me to pen it out was something controversial and more
Something that nobody would expect from me,
and for that I would say that 5 just there problem of understanding me. .
Sorry for playing with your inqusitive minds. .
Let’s straight away begin . . .
I can vaguely remember the first time I started saying I’m my daddys girl. . Like every daughter does. . .
l aIways wanted him to be the best. . and celebrated his called importance of being a comrade. . and l was simply enjoying all its advantages. Till then I realised him and his importance. . . I became more conscious about me. . and started to make things better for him and his name. . and on that note I believed that I’m in the safest hands. . and Will always be …..
Don’t know why I hated every men. . Is that because my dad was the best. . . . Don’t know?! !. .
But I remember those days in school I secretly weeped for days. . hating every men. . it was not the hatred. . . but the frightening thoughts of men. . . that consciously made me hate them. . . and that terrible incident . . men and the power he had was just making me insecure.
To run away from that fear. . . I believed that I have my superhero with me and I’m in his safest hands.
Then that too happened. I was just plucked out from my place to that unknown city. . A city I always dreamed of but never thought. . it would be fulfilled. . for the next two years I have to spend their alone. Their began the next phase. . the so called MEN were frightening me. . And I was becoming a Menphobic lady. . .
And there happened another thing. . .
A new member to my small world. . I was quiet unhappy to accept him. . But don’t know why he made me feel so secure. And for the first time. . . I felt to have a brotherly care from an unknown person. . and l was so happy ..
I was quiet moving with the new life. .
Classes were going good. . my batch mates started to talk with me. . But that issue of trust and so called menphobia loomed me. . I kept a huge distance with the boys. . . I was quiet weird . . But gradually that space loosened down. . And I began feeling comfortable with them. .
Then that thought developed in me. . There are men who can be like my dad.
I was equating each and everything with my superhero. . . not sure. . whether he was the best or not. . But he secured me with all weirdness I had. . And slowly l was falling in love with that city. . my dream city. . . The vibes of the city soothed me. . . And then my two year journey. . Got extended to three more years. . .
And there happened my new phase. . it took one and a half years for me to be part of the new world. . . the City was familiar to me. , But the new world of strangers were quiet hard to accept. . But that too happened.. l was pretty much comfortable with them. . .
Then their at that moment. . I got drenched in the beautiful emotion of love. .
Finally I realized. . He was the next perfect man I had in my life. . other than dad. . But unfortunately. . No. . I will say fortunately. . Love story was quiet unpredictable. . And It ended. . . but I will always say He will be the best for. . . and will make a good pair with some beautiful ladies out there… I would say He was the next important man in my life.
Then after long five years from there. . l was plucked from there too. . To yet another city. . The world of letters. . Men came in and out of my life. . Knowingly and unknowingly. . They became a part of my life. . But there I found one person there. . With whom l won’t say I had feelings towards. . But with whom I wanted some time to sit and talk. . And I really wished for that. . But it didn’t happen. . And that too I believe didn’t happen fortunately. .
And now here. . Lying In the bed. .
l’m madly in love with these three people. . And I m talking about LOVE. . Not that you all think so. . Love does not have a defined meaning. . And so I would say anything sacred of emotions is love. . . These three people have just made me a new person. . And for the first time. . I felt regret of not being a doctor. . But still these three smiling handsome people. . . Had a special space in my life. . The persons who made me to live another life. . Breathe another day . . . and I’m in love With them. .
And this was something I wanted to say. I wanted my mind to understand. . These men are so important. That I fell in love with them. . . From my super hero to this three wonderful angels. . . they have changed a Menphobic girl to someone who can understand the difference between bad and good. . . touch to men in real. . l’m quiet happy that. . . so lucky enough to have them. .
And in this concluding part. . .I proudly title this stream of concious thoughts as, .. THE MEN lN MY LIFE. . .
and on a serious note. . . I’ve not yet found you. . The one I’m searching for. . And let this hide and seek continue like this . . Will wait for the time to reveal it’s mystery. . Till then I’m waiting for the next …….