The Men in My Life

It was that moment in life.

Lying in the bed wondering what will happen in the next phase of my life. . .

Fully messed up, trying to figure out how to get up from here. .

The thought of having pain was just looming and fading away from me.

Through out the journey, one thought was pestering me a lot, don’t even know how to sort it out. .

More than a solution, I was trying to pen it out. Telling someone was not enough. .

The thought that was so perilously disturbing me all these time. .

And urging me to pen it out was something controversial and more

Something that nobody would expect from me,

and for that I would say that 5 just there problem of understanding me. .

Sorry for playing with your inqusitive minds. .

Let’s straight away begin . . .

I can vaguely remember the first time I started saying I’m my daddys girl. . Like every daughter does. . .

l aIways wanted him to be the best. . and celebrated his called importance of being a comrade. . and l was simply enjoying all its advantages. Till then I realised him and his importance. . . I became more conscious about me. . and started to make things better for him and his name. . and on that note I believed that I’m in the safest hands. . and Will always be …..

Don’t know why I hated every men. . Is that because my dad was the best. . . . Don’t know?! !. .

But I remember those days in school I secretly weeped for days. . hating every men. . it was not the hatred. . . but the frightening thoughts of men. . . that consciously made me hate them. . . and that terrible incident . . men and the power he had was just making me insecure.

To run away from that fear. . . I believed that I have my superhero with me and I’m in his safest hands.

Then that too happened. I was just plucked out from my place to that unknown city. . A city I always dreamed of but never thought. . it would be fulfilled. . for the next two years I have to spend their alone. Their began the next phase. . the so called MEN were frightening me. . And I was becoming a Menphobic lady. . .

And there happened another thing. . .

A new member to my small world. . I was quiet unhappy to accept him. . But don’t know why he made me feel so secure. And for the first time. . . I felt to have a brotherly care from an unknown person. . and l was so happy ..

I was quiet moving with the new life. .

Classes were going good. . my batch mates started to talk with me. . But that issue of trust and so called menphobia loomed me. . I kept a huge distance with the boys. . . I was quiet weird . . But gradually that space loosened down. . And I began feeling comfortable with them. .

Then that thought developed in me. . There are men who can be like my dad.

I was equating each and everything with my superhero. . . not sure. . whether he was the best or not. . But  he secured me with all weirdness I had. . And slowly l was falling in love with that city. . my dream city. . . The vibes of the city soothed me. . . And then my two year journey. . Got extended to three more years. . .

And there happened my new phase. . it took one and a half years for me to be part of the new world. . . the City was familiar to me. , But the new world of strangers were quiet hard to accept. . But that too happened.. l was pretty much comfortable with them. . .

Then their at that moment. . I got drenched in the beautiful emotion of love. .

Finally I realized. . He was the next perfect man I had in my life. . other than dad. . But unfortunately. . No. . I will say fortunately. . Love story was quiet unpredictable. . And It ended. . . but I will always say He will be the best for. . . and will make a good pair with some beautiful ladies out there… I would say He was the next important man in my life.

Then after long five years from there. . l was plucked from there too. . To yet another city. . The world of letters. . Men came in and out of my life. . Knowingly and unknowingly. . They became a part of my life. . But there I found one person there. . With whom l won’t say I had feelings towards. . But with whom I wanted some time to sit and talk. . And I really wished for that. . But it didn’t happen. . And that too I believe didn’t happen fortunately. .

And now here. . Lying In the bed. .

l’m madly in love with these three people. . And I m talking about LOVE. . Not that you all think so. . Love does not have a defined meaning. . And so I would say anything sacred of emotions is love. . . These three people have just made me a new person. . And for the first time. . I felt regret of not being a doctor. . But still these three smiling handsome people. . . Had a special space in my life. . The persons who made me to live another life. . Breathe another day . . . and I’m in love With them. .

And this was something I wanted to say. I wanted my mind to understand. . These men are so important. That I fell in love with them. . . From my super hero to this three wonderful angels. . . they have changed a Menphobic girl to someone who can understand the difference between bad and good. . . touch to men in real. . l’m quiet happy that. . . so lucky enough to have them. .

And in this concluding part. . .I proudly title this stream of concious thoughts as, .. THE MEN lN MY LIFE. . .

and on a serious note. . . I’ve not yet found you. . The one I’m searching for. . And let this hide and seek continue like this . . Will wait for the time to reveal it’s mystery. . Till then I’m waiting for the next …….

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Dry Lands

Drink love, if lost drink Wine

Wine wine wine

Wine gushing out of my brain

It rises from my sole

And even spreads over my soul.

Fade fade my reason to numbness

And my pale sense to nonsense.

 

Oh my lady love

My love didn’t reciprocate

As you complain

My penis inappropriate.

Your lustrous eyes seek another fit

While in despair I sit.

 

Oh my roses fade and fall

On your wild sweet lakes dried.

Alas when you turn and walkout

I saw your lakes reflects me no more.

Bitter love better than potion

Leaves a heart devoid of passion.

 

Thief filthy thief you

Go to hell I bless.

Eat the fruit of Eden

And drink from Lethe.

But give back my heart

I won’t be a shashi anymore.

 

Sacred

 

And after a short break

Yet another story to start

The story of a blank canvas that got

Coloured and uncoloured with unrequited love

 

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The story with that beautiful eyes

That one she might have been searching for years

And there began a beautiful love story

Her own story

 

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She started painting her life

With the beautiful colors of love

She was so bestowed that

She was experiencing the sacredness of love

 

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And finally when the beautiful story was reaching its end

He stood there

With all his passion

And love for life.

He was enticed with the adventures of life

Her colors of love failed to color him

Even a single drop couldn’t touch him

And thus came an end to the beautiful love story 

Colored and uncolored with unrequited love

       ❤

                              

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Lost princess

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From here a story begins

The story of a dream

Dream of a beautiful love story..

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She started her journey behind a prince

The One who came in her dreams

The One who she loved with no reasons

The One who made her believe 

in the dream of reality.

She followed him

Her prince.

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When her story was nearing the end

She didn’t know

That her dream of reality was turning

to just another dream

That would end when she opens her eyes

She was lost

Lost in the midst of woods

Far away from her prince

Like a lost princess.

Dreams. Color. Uncolor

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A very family girl..who lived for her family..her parents.. The small beautiful world of her started and ended with her family..she never ever thought of anything than her family…somewhat her life was lived for others happiness.. and she was happy with that..

She didn’t have any friends..each and everyone behaved to her like she is some alien one..she was the typical boring type..

Years passed..

And one day that happened to her..from which she was always escaping…. Don’t know how and when..but it happened.

But Cupid only hitted her..and not the other one..she tried to suppress all her feelings.. But she was so innocent that..what she felt in mind was reflected on her face…she couldn’t control herself..

She was falling and falling for him.. Her Mr..

But she knew that she has to forget all things..forget all her dreams..that are not even hers..and she is dying to make herself happy…….knowing that this sacred love cannot happen again..for anyone.. will never ever happen again..

She prayed all the way..that let him have a happy life..like the way he is…….

Thus the dreams that coloured her life..made her to live a black and white life..that she was used to.

When I realised

The beaten down love
in the dark side of library
where it hides
curled and wounded up..

When I realised the prince I saw in my dreams ..was far away from me..far away from all my wishes..that were coveted..which I can’t even think about..

I cried alot..nobody noticed my tears…I cried for nights looking at your pic…I tried alot to find a solution.

Finally I found it…that dark place in library.. Where in between the books..the living souls..

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One day I went there..stood in between them..cried..and told all the words I treasured for him..all the dreams I saw..the living souls..some standing stood..some lying..sleeping on others shoulder..understood me..the line in each books..the binds with which they were dressed…the smell it had..soothed my mind..I found the lost me there..

And finally coffee and books became my dear ones..each and every sip of a coffee..made me to treasure all dreams I wished for..each and every book made me to live another life…

Thus a good cup of coffee and..the darkside living souls in library completed me..like you do…

But still i miss you..#❣

This day…that year..

Happy anniversary to me.

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This day, that year..

In that wonderful evening

When the clouds were about to shower their love,

The wind gushed over me.

 

Each and everyone were running here and there,

I stood there

Stood there without any reason

Looking at him.

 

I found myself very happy in his presence,

His smile was so dangerous

That I couldn’t control it,

He had beautiful eyes

The kind you could get lost in.

 

And I guess

Not guess, I’m sure

I got lost in them

And for the first time

I realised that

I’m in love.

 

Each day I waited for his smile

A simple hello

Everything made my day

I always wished I could sit beside him

Share everything about me

Wished to hold his hand, one day

And walk along the streets.

 

Don’t know how everything happened

Don’t know when

But it simply happened;

Yet the best and worst part of it is

He didn’t love me back

He didn’t have that feeling for me

And I didn’t share my feeling.

 

Thus I find myself

Celebrating one year of an unrequited love story

Very happy that I’ve felt,

Experienced,

The most beautiful emotion in the world

LOVE ❤

Under the same sky

Known yet unknown

Under the same sky

I know where you are

I know you

Continue reading “Under the same sky”

You are my last word

I couldn’t believe I had decided to take such a risk.

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I usually have a tendency to sit huddled up in bedsheets in the favourite corner of our bed..whenever I am in a sad mood or at times of fight. But this time, it is a totally different reason. And the reason is that I have become pregnant. I’m an unmarried pregnant lady whose world has shrunken to a single person.

Continue reading “You are my last word”

At the end

That discovery was just killing me. The pain was going deeper and deeper.

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At last I found my true love. That discovery was just killing me.

Continue reading “At the end”